This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
