How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
