I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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