thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
