I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
