pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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