Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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