would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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