better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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