Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
