every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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