I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
