Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
