my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
