you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sober January is a disaster.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
