you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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