Tell her she can't have a vagina
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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