I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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