dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
