Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
