omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
