marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
