honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
