??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
