the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
