I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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