Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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