Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
