I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
