I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
