I want to make a zoo with you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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