I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
