Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the day after is always just damage control
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
