so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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