He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
