what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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