Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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