So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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