hotel room ftw
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
