Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
