Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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