she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ketchup is God's man juice
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
