There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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