I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
