my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
