I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
