i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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