I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
