put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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