Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
